I know it's been a long time since I have posted. I am still here, and the O'Connor's have had a good summer. We went to Illinois for 3 weeks, we had company come from Illinois to visit for 10 days, Bradley turned 16 this month, and the summer has come and gone!! Kids start school on Monday and even though we had a good summer, I am ready for them to go back. :)
We also have new tile in 2 of our bathrooms. Now we only have our bathroom and the kitchen to do...I will be glad when all of the old linoleum is out of the house. Not that I mind linoleum...it's just when they painted the house they did not care if they got paint all over the floor...and man did they get A LOT on the floors!!
Well, I am going to try and get better at this. Hope all is well with everyone!! Take care!!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
Mother's Day
I remember when all I could think of was becoming a Mom!! It took Jason and I so much longer than we had wanted, we wanted to start a family right after getting married, but it didn't happen. I had 4 miscarriages in about 3 years and was told that I would not be able to carry a child to term due to a genetic condition and PCOS.
We started the adoption process in 2000 (while we were doing this process we continued trying to get pregnant and lost 2 babies during this time). We found many children on line that were waiting for families, however the younger they were the harder they were for us to adopt. Jason did not want to adopt a child older than 3 or 4, so we were pretty limited in our options. We didn't give up though and we kept hoping for a child, whether it was an adopted child or our own biological. In June of 2002 we found out I was pregnant and about that same time we got a call from Catholic Charities that they had found a child (age 6...older than we had wanted) that was needing a home and she thought it would be a good match. Hmmm....what do we do?!
With our bad history with the whole pregnancy thing we decided to move forward with meeting this child up in Iowa and hope that the baby I was carrying would be viable. We met Bradley and it was love at first sight...I knew he was suppose to be our child. We made it through the first trimester, the furthest we had ever gotten, and hoped that the baby I was carrying was strong enough to make it through the rest of the pregnancy. Bradley moved down to live with us in July/August , I will admit the first year with him was one of the hardest- emotionally and physically for all of us. Bradley came with a lot of emotional baggage and some pretty sad stories of his past...but we made it through that first year. :)
Rebecca was born on January 7th and Bradley was adopted on May 28th of 2003. I had wanted his adoption to be finalized before Becca was born...however waiting on his parents to sign away their rights and the whole court process did not allow for this to happen. I became a MOM to 2 children in the span of 5 months...2 children 7 years apart. :) 2003 was a good year for me and my family!!!
Between 2003-2006 I had 3 more miscarriages and had pretty much given up on becoming pregnant again. In June of 2006 we found out I was pregnant. The Doctors wanted us to do the whole routine we did with Rebecca (shots, meds, etc)...but Jason and I decided if this baby was meant to be, it was meant to be and we chose to do nothing but pray. James was born on January 6th, 2007. My miracle child was born...and our family became complete!!
I longed to become a Mom so I could participate in Mother's Day. I cherished my own Mom and enjoyed watching her as a Mom and a Grandma...she LOVED both so much!! Her grandchildren were the most important thing in her life...sometimes more important than my sister and me. But that's OK...the more love the better!! I finally became a Mom and I knew what I was missing before. I could understand what Unconditional love meant, I could understand those feeling of giving up your life for your child if need be, I understood...finally!!
This year, my Mom is gone...and a part of me is gone also. I no longer feel complete, I feel like something is missing, I feel like a piece of my puzzle of life is gone and lost forever...will I ever feel complete again?? Will I always be this puzzle that is not complete? Will I ever look forward to Mother's Day again?? Will I always cry myself to sleep 2 or 3 nights a month because I miss her? I know that grief is hard, I know that no one can tell me when it will get easier, I know it is different for every person, I know all of this. I also know that my relationship with my Mom is so different than anyone else's relationship with her. We had something that my sister and her didn't have, we had something that her and my Step-dad didn't have. With my Dad's death before I was born...it was just her and I for the first 8 years of my life...just her and I...she was THE most amazing person, dealing with everything she dealt with at 21 years old. She is my Hero...my Mom...and now...My ANGEL. I miss you Mom...Happy Mother's Day!!!!
We started the adoption process in 2000 (while we were doing this process we continued trying to get pregnant and lost 2 babies during this time). We found many children on line that were waiting for families, however the younger they were the harder they were for us to adopt. Jason did not want to adopt a child older than 3 or 4, so we were pretty limited in our options. We didn't give up though and we kept hoping for a child, whether it was an adopted child or our own biological. In June of 2002 we found out I was pregnant and about that same time we got a call from Catholic Charities that they had found a child (age 6...older than we had wanted) that was needing a home and she thought it would be a good match. Hmmm....what do we do?!
With our bad history with the whole pregnancy thing we decided to move forward with meeting this child up in Iowa and hope that the baby I was carrying would be viable. We met Bradley and it was love at first sight...I knew he was suppose to be our child. We made it through the first trimester, the furthest we had ever gotten, and hoped that the baby I was carrying was strong enough to make it through the rest of the pregnancy. Bradley moved down to live with us in July/August , I will admit the first year with him was one of the hardest- emotionally and physically for all of us. Bradley came with a lot of emotional baggage and some pretty sad stories of his past...but we made it through that first year. :)
Rebecca was born on January 7th and Bradley was adopted on May 28th of 2003. I had wanted his adoption to be finalized before Becca was born...however waiting on his parents to sign away their rights and the whole court process did not allow for this to happen. I became a MOM to 2 children in the span of 5 months...2 children 7 years apart. :) 2003 was a good year for me and my family!!!
Between 2003-2006 I had 3 more miscarriages and had pretty much given up on becoming pregnant again. In June of 2006 we found out I was pregnant. The Doctors wanted us to do the whole routine we did with Rebecca (shots, meds, etc)...but Jason and I decided if this baby was meant to be, it was meant to be and we chose to do nothing but pray. James was born on January 6th, 2007. My miracle child was born...and our family became complete!!
I longed to become a Mom so I could participate in Mother's Day. I cherished my own Mom and enjoyed watching her as a Mom and a Grandma...she LOVED both so much!! Her grandchildren were the most important thing in her life...sometimes more important than my sister and me. But that's OK...the more love the better!! I finally became a Mom and I knew what I was missing before. I could understand what Unconditional love meant, I could understand those feeling of giving up your life for your child if need be, I understood...finally!!
This year, my Mom is gone...and a part of me is gone also. I no longer feel complete, I feel like something is missing, I feel like a piece of my puzzle of life is gone and lost forever...will I ever feel complete again?? Will I always be this puzzle that is not complete? Will I ever look forward to Mother's Day again?? Will I always cry myself to sleep 2 or 3 nights a month because I miss her? I know that grief is hard, I know that no one can tell me when it will get easier, I know it is different for every person, I know all of this. I also know that my relationship with my Mom is so different than anyone else's relationship with her. We had something that my sister and her didn't have, we had something that her and my Step-dad didn't have. With my Dad's death before I was born...it was just her and I for the first 8 years of my life...just her and I...she was THE most amazing person, dealing with everything she dealt with at 21 years old. She is my Hero...my Mom...and now...My ANGEL. I miss you Mom...Happy Mother's Day!!!!
Monday, May 2, 2011
Spring in Texas
Easter has come and gone...and it was a very difficult day. I won't lie and I won't say "the first is the hardest"...they are all going to be hard, and they may be hard till the 5th or 6th or 15th time. Please don't try to tell me that I will get over it, and once I get through each of the holidays once life will be OK. Sorry...I don't believe you!!
Did I have a good Easter? Absolutely...my kids and my husband made it that way. But, it was different. It was our first holiday in Texas, by ourselves...and without Mom. My mom LOVED holidays, it didn't matter which one, she loved them all. She loved giving the kids presents and love...and they grew used to that...they were quite spoiled with her, and I LOVED it that way!! We did the Easter Bunny thing, had a yummy breakfast, went to the zoo, flew kites, came home and made dinner...which was steaks on the grill!! YUM!!!!
Spring has been so different here than in Illinois. My favorite seasons are Spring and Fall...and here in Illinois we don't really have those seasons. We went from cold to HOT...it was in the 90's for the last 3 weeks...it was downright HOT. Yesterday the temp dropped and and it hasn't been above 60 degrees all day today!! The kids are ready for school to be over, they have about 4 weeks left. This year has really flown by...I don't know where it went. The 2 younger kids are playing ball. Becca is playing softball- this is her first year of softball, in the past she has played peanut league. I am coaching her team...and actually I am really enjoying it!! James is playing T-ball- and man is this the funniest thing ever. He is doing well, but he gets bored in the field, in the dugout, everywhere. Poor kid is the one in the outfield spinning around because he has nothing better to do. :) I never thought that would be MY kid.
Not a whole lot more going on. We are heading back to Illinois June 14th and the kids and I will stay through the 4th of July!! I am so excited to be around family for that long!! YAY!!!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Weekend so far...
We have had a pretty good weekend so far!! Friday night Becca had a game that we lost 12-0...which sucks...but the girls played good. I struck out every single girl...not by throwing strikes, by throwing balls that they had NO chance of hitting. Talk about feeling like the WORST Coach in the world!! UGH!! After the game we dropped Becca off for a sleepover (her 2nd of the weekend-kids didn't have school on Friday).
Saturday we got up and went to James T-ball game, but we only stayed for 1/2 of the game because he wasn't feeling good. He first told me his leg hurt...so I pushed him to go back out to the field, then when I looked up at him he was standing there crying...so I went out and picked him up and he said he hurt everywhere. He was not running a fever at this time...so I just thought he was trying to get out of playing. When we got home I tucked him in my bed and he fell right to sleep and slept for 2 hours. When he woke up he was running a fever...so it must have been some little bug or something. He pretty much rested by watching movies all day...fever started again before bed, so a little bit more medicine and he slept through the night. Woke up this morning feeling MUCH better!! We also painted the garage door!! Our front door has been painted for about 3 weeks and I really wanted the garage door to be painted the same color, so now it is!!!! Jason is going to put 1 more coat on it today, but it looks really good. Jason also put up a clothesline for me in the backyard!! I am SO excited about this!!!!! I LOVE hanging clothes outside to dry, and now I can!!! Jason and a friend also went and got rock and dirt for the flower garden out front, so now that is ready for some flowers/plants...so we have something to do today!! :) Rebecca had her 3rd sleep-over of the weekend.
Today's plan is to go to the garden store to get some flowers/plants, Becca has a game at 4:30, need to run to the grocery store...we are out of EVERYTHING!! We will see how the day progresses!! Have a good day and a good week!!!
Saturday we got up and went to James T-ball game, but we only stayed for 1/2 of the game because he wasn't feeling good. He first told me his leg hurt...so I pushed him to go back out to the field, then when I looked up at him he was standing there crying...so I went out and picked him up and he said he hurt everywhere. He was not running a fever at this time...so I just thought he was trying to get out of playing. When we got home I tucked him in my bed and he fell right to sleep and slept for 2 hours. When he woke up he was running a fever...so it must have been some little bug or something. He pretty much rested by watching movies all day...fever started again before bed, so a little bit more medicine and he slept through the night. Woke up this morning feeling MUCH better!! We also painted the garage door!! Our front door has been painted for about 3 weeks and I really wanted the garage door to be painted the same color, so now it is!!!! Jason is going to put 1 more coat on it today, but it looks really good. Jason also put up a clothesline for me in the backyard!! I am SO excited about this!!!!! I LOVE hanging clothes outside to dry, and now I can!!! Jason and a friend also went and got rock and dirt for the flower garden out front, so now that is ready for some flowers/plants...so we have something to do today!! :) Rebecca had her 3rd sleep-over of the weekend.
Today's plan is to go to the garden store to get some flowers/plants, Becca has a game at 4:30, need to run to the grocery store...we are out of EVERYTHING!! We will see how the day progresses!! Have a good day and a good week!!!
Saturday, April 9, 2011
My baby and T-ball
My baby had his first T-ball game today...and yes he would be YELLING at me if he could read since he "is not a baby anymore!" :) I was so proud of him. He was a bit timid in the beginning, but came out of his shell and did really well by the end. He even ran up and got the ball before a bigger kid got it!! Way to go!!
I sit and look at him and wonder "how can I keep him just like this?" I'm not ready for him to grow up and not need me as much anymore. He is still my baby, and always will be. He did inform me that I will be the only girl he ever kisses...how long do you think that will last?? And he did tell me that he wishes he was a girl because he doesn't want to be a daddy that has to go to work, he wants to be a stay at home Mommy!! :) Maybe I am doing something right?!!!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Visitors are gone...back to normal
Visitors are GREAT!!! But man, it's sad when they leave!! Becky Jane and Alyssa came last Thursday and left yesterday...it was a great visit. For those of you who don't know who they are...Becky Jane is my Mom's best friend (for 50+years) and Alyssa is her daughter. It was a lot of fun showing them around San Antonio and showing them our "life" here...how it is non-stop all the time. :) We did a lot...I'm sure they need to rest after their vacation, we had them on the go a lot!
But...when they leave...it's sad!! Yesterday I did pretty good, and I think having a Doctors appt right after they left and softball practice last night helped a lot. Today all the kids went to school and Jason went to work...so the house was QUIET!! I really enjoy quiet, however, today it seems too quiet.
My Doctor put me on a higher dose of Wellbutrin, so we will see if that helps. She wants me to feel "good" and "motivated". I felt "pretty good", but not "motivated" at all...so she increased the meds. She also put me on a sleep pill to help with sleep. I can get tired about 9pm, however if I don't go to bed (somedays we don't even have the kids in bed yet) and stay up later I get my 2nd wind and can't seem to fall asleep till 2-3am and then I am up at 7am. So...4-5 hours of sleep are not good!! So I am going to take them for a week and then hopefully my sleep schedule will reset and I can just take them as needed. We shall see. Last night I slept for a GOOD 7 hours...that was nice, and I haven't been tired so far today.
I always wanted my kids to be "involved"...but man, it would just be nice to be able to stay home for longer than 12 hours at a time. :) Oh well...I guess this is what it is to be parents to active kids. :)
But...when they leave...it's sad!! Yesterday I did pretty good, and I think having a Doctors appt right after they left and softball practice last night helped a lot. Today all the kids went to school and Jason went to work...so the house was QUIET!! I really enjoy quiet, however, today it seems too quiet.
My Doctor put me on a higher dose of Wellbutrin, so we will see if that helps. She wants me to feel "good" and "motivated". I felt "pretty good", but not "motivated" at all...so she increased the meds. She also put me on a sleep pill to help with sleep. I can get tired about 9pm, however if I don't go to bed (somedays we don't even have the kids in bed yet) and stay up later I get my 2nd wind and can't seem to fall asleep till 2-3am and then I am up at 7am. So...4-5 hours of sleep are not good!! So I am going to take them for a week and then hopefully my sleep schedule will reset and I can just take them as needed. We shall see. Last night I slept for a GOOD 7 hours...that was nice, and I haven't been tired so far today.
I always wanted my kids to be "involved"...but man, it would just be nice to be able to stay home for longer than 12 hours at a time. :) Oh well...I guess this is what it is to be parents to active kids. :)
Saturday, March 26, 2011
I'm still here!!
I know it's been a long time since I've posted...I'm sorry!!! Not a whole lot has been going on here...at least it doesn't feel like it. :) Let's see...I will try to update!!
Me- I am now taking Wellbutrin to help with the depression. I think it is helping, but at times I still get pretty upset and cry a lot. :( I also am SO sleepy all the time...I don't know if that is part of the side effects or what...but there are days that I feel like I could sleep all day. My New Year's resolution is going well...I am sending notes/cards to important women in my life every day for the rest of the year. I am really enjoying this and have received some really nice letters from some really WONDERFUL women!!! I am hoping I make them smile...that is my goal. :) I still miss my Mom, however we talk about her usually daily and I am able to do it without crying each time. My mom is my best friend...granted I can't talk to her daily like I used to, but I still talk to her in heaven every day. My biggest fear is that my kids will forget who she was and not remember how much she loved them. How can I make sure that they will remember her forever??
Jason- he is doing well. Work is going well. He is leaving on Monday to head back to Champaign for a couple of days...and oh how I wish I was going with him!!! He is going to stay with my step-dad and Tuesday night he is going to go out with him to watch my sister and brother in law bowl. And man...do I wish I was going to be there. I miss my sister a lot!!!
Bradley- still having trouble with school. Is failing 3 classes right now...however in 2 weeks he is going to start going to a Psychiatrist to get started on some medication to help with some issues. I hope it will help...he is struggling a lot.
Rebecca- started softball this week...and I got roped in to be her coach...gotta love that!! :) School is going great for her. She is such a smart little girl...she get so proud of herself when she does well. She is out playing pretty much everyday with the little girl 2 doors down...they have a great time together, which is really good.
James- started t-ball this week...and he is also looking forward to playing. He is doing well also. He loves Zoo School and I think he will be devastated when it ends for the year. We are going to sign him up for it again next year...which I have gone back and forth on if he needs more than just 2 days a week...we shall see. Kindergarten will be here before I know it. My baby can't be growing up!!!
Texas is OK. I still don't consider it "HOME". I know we made the right decision for our family...but just not sure it was the right decision for ME. Does that make sense?? I know in my heart that I could not be happy in Champaign without my Mom...but I miss my family so much it hurts. I really want to raise my family around family...and unfortunately now we are not. It kind of sucks!!!
My Mom's best friend and her daughter are coming next week for 6 days...I am VERY excited about that!! It is going to be so nice to have someone here. Then in May my Uncle and Aunt are coming to stay with us for about 3-4 days and then head to Waco for Eric's graduation. Then Jason and the kids are going to Vegas for his brothers wedding while James and I stay home. His parents and sister are coming for Becca's first communion on the 21st right after the wedding...it is sure to be a fun time!!! Then we are all heading back to Champaign right around June 12th for Eric's wedding...and the kids and I will stay probably till the 4th of July. Busy, busy times around here!! I will try to get better about this blogging thing. :)
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