When someone gets sick it makes you realize how short or how fast things can change in your life. The people that you care about the most can be gone in the blink of an eye. When my mom got the news that her cancer was back and the Doctors didn't call us back about her CT scan, all I could think of was, "Is this the last birthday my mom will be here for?", "Will she be here for Christmas?", etc. It scared me. I want her here for me and for my kids, is that selfish?? At times I feel very selfish...I want my mom, and I want her healthy, I want her to see my kids graduate from school, I want her here to see them get married, I want her here to see her great grandkids. Why am I being selfish??
I sit back and wonder what is she going through?? How hard is this going to be on her? Is she ever going to leave her house after she gets done with the surgery and heals? Will she feel comfortable emptying her bags out in public? My questions go on and on... I want her to be happy, healthy, and I want her to want to live. My Dad died before I was born, I was raised by my single mother. We lived with my Grandparents till I was 5, and then she bought her house (that she is still living in), we lived together for 3 years in our house till she married my step-dad. I feel that I got screwed...I never called my step-dad "Dad", he wasn't, my Dad was gone...I hated that. My mom is such a STRONG woman that I know she will get through all of this, she has gone through so much in her life...and it's not FAIR that she has to deal with all of this Cancer crap!!!
Why is cancer all around us? Why do we all know someone that has beat it, going through treatment, or has died because of it?? Why can't we predict the future?? I know a lot of these questions are open ended, and they don't have answers...I just wish someone could answer some of them!!! Hug, kiss and tell all of your loved ones that you LOVE them...you never know when you may not be able to say that again!! I love you all...my family and friends...I'm glad that I have you here in my life.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
When I was in college I got dog, and then I quit school, and started working at a Vet Clinic. Along with that came an abundance of animals. At 1 time I had 2 dogs (Kirby and Buddy) and 2 cats (Roscoe and Frisco). I was working at a group home also in Charleston at the same time I was working at the Vet Clinic, and a friend of mine was moving apartments and couldn't keep her cat..."Duh", and she asked me if he could live with me for a while till she was able to take him to her parents. Well, months later I moved back to Urbana, and "Duh" came with me along with my menagerie of other animals.
I didn't name him...but MAN I love his name...I love that cat...and I will miss him greatly!!! He lived about 4 years longer than any of the other cats we had, and he has enjoyed himself being the "only cat" for the last 4 years. The last few months he has tried "escaping" as much as he could. He would squeeze out our garage door and "hang out" outside. He NEVER did this before...so it was a bit weird. Oh well...whatever made him happy!!
So, now we are a "dog-only" family...weird!!! I don't know if we will stay this way, or if we will get another cat sometime...I guess time will tell!!!
R.I.P Duh...we love you!!!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Somedays I just want to crawl in my bed and hide out for the entire day, week, month, year. Somedays I want to cry my eyes out. Somedays I don't want to talk to anyone. Somedays I want to scream my head off at anyone who will listen. Somedays I want to hold onto my kids and never let go (only they won't let me do that anymore). Somedays...Somedays....Somedays...