Saturday, January 29, 2011


Right now I am sitting on my back porch watching my husband and oldest son work in the backyard, my daughter and youngest son play on the playscape and sand box. I am totally relaxed. Do I have lots to do in the house...absolutely!! Did I have plans for today...absolutely!! Did I enjoy sleeping in...pretty much!! Am I sad that my plans didn't happen...a little bit!! But right now, do I feel blessed...ABSOLUTELY!!!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011


Do you ever give your husband hints? Do you make comments about things he does that ANNOY you, in the hopes that he will hear them and change? At times does it seem that no matter WHAT your husband does it bugs the HELL out of you??

That is where I am RIGHT now. I know I am a bit of a b*tch right now because I have my period...but come your eyes and see the big picture!!! Pick up after yourself!! Put things away after you use them!! If I cook dinner, do the dishes (this is a normal in our house, however lately...not so much...I seem to be doing it all). If I tell you that I am sad and lonely and depressed, open your eyes and your heart and don't "read into" only 1 line out of the email I sent you!!

Somedays I think it would be easier to be married to another woman...we think alike. I know marriage is hard, and it's even harder trying to handle life changing events, but MAN...this is REALLY difficult!!!!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Somedays it's unbelievable

Sometimes I just sit there and say to myself, "Is she really gone? She can't be. It's all been a dream, right?" Unfortunately it's not a dream. My heart is still broken, however I feel OK. I can't say that I feel good, or I'm handling things great...I'm pretty much just OK.

I did have a dream and she was in it last was the first time since she's passed away...and it was so amazing and seemed so real. Oh how I would LOVE to see her again, to talk to her again, to hug her again, to kiss her again...oh how much I would love to just tell her "I love you MOM!!"

Monday, January 10, 2011

New Years resolution

So...I decided what I was going to do for my New Year's resolution (besides the whole eating more healthy, lose weight, etc.)...and I am SO excited for it!!! I am going to try to not tell for a while, so I don't ruin it for those that are involved. :) If you really want to know you can ask...but I'm not going to put on here what it is. :)

I decided on doing something that if someone did it for me it would put a smile on my I am going to try to do it for others. I smile each time I think about we shall see how it goes. :)

I am so excited about it...I'd better get off here before I ruin my surprise!! :)

Sunday, January 9, 2011

New Years and what to do...

I am trying to figure out what I want to do for New Years. I don't want to make actual "resolutions"...I want to do something different. I'm thinking of a list of things that are achievable but I have to actually work for them. I hate saying the "normal" I'm going to lose weight, not spend as much, stick to a budget, etc., etc.

If you have any ideas or something that you are planning on doing...please let me know. I am open to suggestions!!!

Friday, January 7, 2011

Happy 8th Birthday Becca

Talk about time flying Miracle baby is 8 today!!! After 4 miscarriages I was told to look into donor eggs, adoption, told I would pretty much not be able to carry a child of my own...but even Doctors get it wrong sometimes!!!

You are never in a hurry. I went in at 7:30 for a Doctor's appointment and they sent me to the hospital to be induced because I had too much fluid, so they started the induction at 9am and you were born the following day at 4:00am. It took over 2 hours of pushing to bring you into this weren't in any hurry to get here...but I couldn't wait to have you and see your beautiful face!!

You are stubborn and head strong. You are always right...or at least you ALWAYS think you are. You always want the last word with everyone (including your teachers). In my opinion I think this is going to be a great trait for when you are older, you will know what you want and you will fight to get it. When you are need to listen to your elders. :)

You are beautiful!! You have an angel kiss on your forehead that I was so concerned about when you were little, all I wanted was for it to go away, and it did for the most part. However, lately I have seen it on your forehead a lot more...and now I know why you have was placed there so your Gee-ma could kiss you from Heaven. She's your angel...and she is still kissing you from up there!!

You are very smart!! And I am so proud of you for that!!! You get good grades and you LOVE school...keep it will take you FAR!!

You are all GIRL. Pink, Purple, dresses, skirts, dolls, dress-up, Barbies, Liv dolls, etc., etc

You are LOVED so much, and you LOVE others!! I knew I wanted you way before you were conceived, but I never knew how much I could love you, until you were born. You care about others and their feelings and you hate to disappoint or upset them. That is a true friend and a person that others want to be around...that is a trait that you inherited from your family!!

Happy Birthday my beautiful Daughter!!! I love you!!!!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

My baby turns 4 today little man is 4 today!! Where did the time go?? So much has happened in your 4 years here, I can't believe it.

When I found out I was pregnant with you I could not believe I was carrying a boy. I asked the nurse "are you sure?"...I swore you were a girl. :) At first I was unsure of having a baby boy, but the minute you were born I was sure glad you were YOU.

You have no patience...which from the minute my labor started I should have known. I kept telling the nurse "he's coming, he's coming, I'm not pushing, but he's coming"...and you were out in 2 pushes!! The Dr. barely had time to get ready.

You are head-strong and know what you want. You always have been, and I wouldn't think any different!!

You are loving and caring. You LOVE to snuggle with your Mom...however my snuggle time has gone down the older you get, you still love to give me hugs and "smoooches".

You are giving. You will give someone something for no reason other than you want to. You give without being asked, and that's something that we aren't used to in this house with your siblings. You are so giving...and this makes me extremely happy...I think you got that from your Gee-ma!!

You are ALL boy!! I enjoy watching you play, learn, and grow. You are completely different from your sister...she enjoys "girl" things and you are out there digging in the dirt, playing with cars, figuring out how things work, etc., etc. You pee standing up...and are very happy when there is one of those "stand up kind" in the public restrooms.

You make me smile!! And some days I really need it!!! I love you baby boy!!!
Happy Birthday!!!!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Catch up time

OK...I know I said I would be better about this...I'm sorry!!! We've had a busy month of December, so I will try to get it all down and add pictures. (I know...quit holding your breath...I think I can do it!!)

So, the month of December flew by us and was over before we knew it. We got back from Illinois at the end of November and knew that we only had about 3 weeks before our company got in town for the holidays. I worked hard at getting the house in order and presents bought and that was how I spent most of the beginning of the month. I also started baking and using Mom's Kitchenaid stand mixer a lot...which by the way...I am in LOVE with!! Cooking and baking have been something that keeps me occupied and I seem to be that is something positive for me!! :)

The kids finished up school in December with parties and such and then we were off to Dallas to pick up Kent for the holidays on Sunday the 19th. He flew in on Monday morning and we then headed home with a stop in Waco to see Baylor and to go through the Texas Ranger Museum (not the baseball team). He seemed to have a great time here, and the kids thoroughly enjoyed having him. He went on walks to the park, played Wii, and just hung out with them...which they LOVED. He made memories with them that they will have forever...which was really good for all of us, especially this year.

It was just the 6 of us for Christmas, Katie and Troy were leaving Illinois on Monday after Christmas and heading down. I thought Christmas went very well...and it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. We opened presents, had breakfast, hung out and played all day, and then had beef brisket for dinner. It was a great day!!! Katie and Troy got here on tuesday afternoon and we hung out a lot and didn't do a whole lot of was really nice!!!! New Year's Eve we hung out here at our house and played games and ate and had a great day.

Everyone packed up and left Saturday morning around 11am...and I went into depression and didn't get out of bed till Sunday was terrible. My cousin's wife wrote me a note and pretty much summed it all up: I put off dealing with my mom not being with us on Christmas and New Years because we had company and I was so excited to have people down here with us, then when they left I dealt with all of the emotions of them leaving and the emotions of my Mom not here much to comprehend or deal with (at least in my opinion)

So, we are back into our "normal" routine, or at least as normal as I can right now. It's very lonely down here with no family and also really with no friends. I am not the most outgoing person, and I am home all I don't have a lot of chances to make friends. I will happen...but sometimes I get really down just trying to get through the day. Anyways...that is where we are and where we have been for the month of December. 2 birthdays tomorrow and Friday...Wow...where does the time go?? My babies are another year older!! Now some pictures:

The kids with Papa at the Texas Ranger Museum

Kent and the Brazos (there is a Country song about the Brazos and he wanted his picture by it)

The kids with Santa at Jason's work

All of us at the Bass Pro Shop