While Mom was in Springfield she saw her Dr. that did her colonoscopy and he said there was no way he could do surgery on her. She was too weak and he wasn't sure she would make it out of surgery. What?? Why did the Dr.'s in Champaign send her over there anyways?? Becky Jane called and told me that...I couldn't believe it.
I called the Dr. over there and left a message for him to call me back. About 1/2 an hour later he called and we talked. He asked me if her oncologist in Champaign has told us that she had probably 3 weeks to live. WHAT??? The Dr. in Champaign never tells us anything and has never given us a life expectancy. Are you serious?? I kept asking him this on the phone. He said "Have you seen her lately? She is a shell of what she used to be, she isn't vibrant, she looks like she has fought the fight...but she's not winning". He said if we wanted to have any "quality" time, we needed to get back now.
I got off the phone with him and immediately called Jason and we booked a flight for 3 days later to go to Illinois to have our quality time with her. It ended up being Labor Day weekend, and my birthday...so we just told her that I wanted to see her for my birthday...and we were all coming home. I didn't tell her what the Dr. told me...I didn't want her to quit fighting, and I think that would have done it. I just told her I wanted to be with her...that was my 1 birthday wish. So...we went back to Illinois and our 5 day trip turned into 9 days.
3 weeks...how do you live those 3 weeks, if you know they are your last days. Your last days to say, do, feel...how do you do it? How do you look at your kids, and your grandkids and say goodbye?? How do you say all you want to say in that small amount of time? I had these and many more questions going through my mind. As her daughter...how do I look at my Mom and tell her that I love her, that she is my inspiration, that she is my hero, that she is my best friend, and I don't think I can go on living if she isn't her with me? I'm not old enough to lose her...am I? It was a long 3 days getting ready to go, and a long plane ride home...not knowing what to expect!!!