O'Connors head back to Illinois

So, I got tickets to go back to Illinois for our family to spend some time with Mom. I had talked to Mom and told her that we were coming because it was my birthday and I wanted to be with her...that was my only wish!! She was so excited, she just started crying. So, we put the tickets on the debit card (yep, the debit card-you know, the one with the daily limit). So, Jason received an email 2 days later saying that the card was declined due to it being over the limit...however, Jason just deleted the email, without reading it, so our tickets were cancelled. Yep...cancelled!!!

So we were to leave first thing on Saturday morning, Jason went on to print our tickets and they were not there. So, he immediately got on the phone to find out what we could do. Does anyone know how mad I was at that point....nope, no idea. I could not believe it. We found out that they could get us back to Champaign the next day, but it wouldn't be till 9pm. That was not going to work...we would miss an entire day with Mom. So, they finally figured out that they could get us into Springfield (because Mom was still there) around 2pm...and Uncle Rick would pick us up and take us to see Mom. That works!!!!

So, we fly into Springfield on September 4th and Uncle Rick picks us up and takes us to St. Johns. We walked into Mom's room and she looked SO GOOD!!! OMG...she had put on some weight, and she looked great. I was so surprised!! The kids ran up to her to hug her and kiss her, and I was right behind. She started crying and so did I. Knowing in my heart that this would be the last trip home to spend with her while she was alive. At this point no one had told her the timeline...so we knew what her future held, while she was still fighting to live, because she didn't know what the Dr. had told me. The next day was my birthday, and I spent it with her...it was the best present ever!!!

The nurses were trying their hardest to get Mom back over to Champaign. The insurance was trying to say that she could stay in Springfield because there was nothing they couldn't do that Champaign couldn't do. It was the biggest mess I have ever seen. Finally they got a hold of her Dr. in Champaign and he wanted her back as soon as possible...so the insurance worked a bit harder with the hospitals and got her moved. She got back to Champaign at 10pm on Monday...and we were thrilled to have her back there!!! The nurses in Champaign were crying, Mom was crying, I was crying...it was great to be HOME!!!!

Tuesday the Dr. came in and said that he wanted the OT/PT people to come in and start working with her (she hadn't been out of bed in 12 days or so), so they came in and finally I said she can't get up and walk around (with the fistulas)...so they said they would go back and figure out what the Dr. wanted. Dr. came back in on Wednesday, the whole family was there with her and her friends, and he gave her the news that there was nothing more he could do for her. To sit in a room and hear those words about the one person in your life that has known you the longest, loved you unconditionally your entire life, been there with you through thick and thin and everything in between, it was something that I will never forget. My mom is dying....and I am going to lose her.

We were suppose to fly out on thursday to head back home, but they wanted to move her back to the nursing home, or send her home. We had a lot to figure out so Jason called and got our tickets moved to Sunday, so we would have a bit more time to "plan". Thursday was the best day ever!! Mom was alert, and awake almost the entire day. She was laughing and carrying on conversations with everyone. It was the most amazing thing ever. I will look back, and that is the day I will remember!!!

We got her moved to the nursing home on Friday evening and I stayed with her that night. Saturday she pretty much slept the entire day. I got really worried about her, she did not wake up till about 1pm that afternoon and even then it was just for a little bit. The kids and Jason were leaving the next morning at 6am, so they came to say their goodbyes that evening. Wow, what an emotional time that was. I think I was dreading this more than saying goodbye to her on my own. Jason was a mess, he was so shaken up. My mom loved him like a son and treated him like one too for the entire 14 years we've been together. He came out of the room and was devastated. Bradley too. He never cries...and he was truly shaken up. Rebecca holds everything in...and she did that day too. I'm not sure that Becca understood what was going on, or what it meant. Saying "goodbye" for the last time...I don't think that sunk in till it was too late. James and I weren't leaving till 5 the next afternoon, so we were going to spend the next day with her...so...we had some time still

Jason and the kids took off and off to the nursing home we went. Katie had spent the night with her, so when we got there we just hung out for a while. Mom wasn't awake much and was not really alert a whole lot. I couldn't believe this was going to be my last day with her and she was so out of it. They had up'ed her pain meds...so that was playing a lot into it. I tried and tried to wake her and talk with her, but it didn't really work. Katie, Dave (troy's dad), and James left to go get some lunch, and then Becky Jane came so I talked with her for a while. About 3:30 I finally said I probably need to get thinking about going. I tried and tried to wake her, and I leaned down to kiss her and she turned her head from me. I think I had surprised her, and that is why she moved her head, but it still hurt, it hurt a lot!!! I cried the whole way back to her house, I cried all the way back home on the plane. I would never see my Mom alive again. WOW!!!! Hard to wrap your mind around...still is!!!