Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Me...what's wrong with ME??

OK, so I know in my last blog I talked about some difficulties we are having with my kids...now it's time to talk about me and difficulties I am having with myself.

I cry at the drop of a hat. When I get done reading everyone Else's blogs I am usually crying... they are either emotional entries, or of people being emotional, and usually those are because they are pregnant and it's "normal". I'm not pregnant nor will be any time in the future, but I can totally relate to them. I cry or feel like I could cry while watching TV, reading books, watching my kids do anything, etc. It is CRAZY or at least makes me feel crazy. I don't know if my hormones are screwed up or what, I don't necessarily feel sad, but there is something going on that is making me totally emotional. Here are a couple of reasons that I think it is going on:

Reason #1: My life seems pretty good, I have great kids, a great husband, a great family and friends, but something feels like it's not quite right. I can't put my finger on it, but I know it's there. Jason and I made a decision to not have any more kids after James was born and I had a tubal done. I always go back to this being "the reason". I know it was the right decision, we talked about it till we were blue in the face, and I was adamant that I would have the surgery and not him, but knowing that it is PERMANENT I think is my problem. Or at least that's what I'm blaming it on...but my question is...how do I get over it??

Reason #2: 10 months ago I left my job at DSC and I haven't been as happy at my new job as I was hoping to be. I left a lot of great memories, good friends, good coworkers, and a great boss...that is also playing with my mind quite a bit. A lot of times I want to just be home raising my family, however we aren't that fortunate to allow me to do this. I'm scared I am going to miss my kids growing up, miss some "firsts", miss them being kids, etc. This also puts me in a "funk" and I feel my emotions rise.

I don't know if there is something to my reasons or not...FEEL FREE TO LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK...I think it is OK to cry, but I would LOVE to know why!!!


Carla said...

Oh Kim:
I hope my emotional rant did not contribute to your funk, but somehow I think it did. Hang in there. I keep thinking, I can choose my attitude, but just some moments I just can't! I hope it works itself out. I sometimes worry about what my emotional state/hormones will be like when I am all done with pregnancies/nursing, then simply taking care of 3 kids is enough to drive anyone crazy. I will not be afraid to seek professional advice if I feel it comes to that point. A low dose of anti-depressants can do wonders for some people.
Hang in there.

The Carlson Family said...

I too hope I have not contributed to your emotions as I feel like I have written some depressing posts in my blogging days. I have a similar emotional disorder. I cry very easily and about things I would not have cried about a few years ago. Mike also has the disorder, which is very weird (but I think his is from withdrawal from narcotics from his back surgery). For us, I think it is being new parents and adjusting to all the changes in our lives and probably some feelings of loss. We feel as if we can never have more babies even though all the parts are still there. We feel like our babies were robbed of normal development/health. I have wondered too when it will go away as I figure it is still hormone related, but that does not explain Mike. Carla is so right though, we should not hesitate to talk to our doctors about it. I think it helps to write in a post about my feeling becauses I usually feel better afterwards and get a lot of support from friends after they read it. I am always available to cry with anyone that needs a partner.

Kim said...

THANK YOU!! It feels better blogging about it and hearing that other people have these same feelings, or the same concerns about the future. I have been juggling around what to do...I did go on a mild anti-depressant at one time (after the 3rd miscarriage) and I NEVER slept, I think that's what is scaring me about contacting the doctor. Thanks again for your support...it means A LOT!!!

The Marshalls said...

I, in addition to Carla and Jen, hope that my sad posts aren't adding to your tears!

What you describe isn't anything other than normal. I am a big-time crier. Pregnant or not. As young as 4 I can remember crying at sad movies. That has never changed. :) I cry in a big way when I get stressed, nervous, or just really tired. Not to mention greeting cards, tv shows, movies, books, saying good bye, etc.

Also, I think any type of change is tough, especially when it comes to a new job. I really missed the job I left to come to DSC. I wondered if it was the right decision for at least 6 months to a year - if not more. After I got used to the different environment and people, I finally realized that it was the right move for me to make at that time. I'm sure your move to CUSR will prove to be the same! Hang in there!!!!